Cheating is one of those subjects on which we’re all supposedly experts. Each of us thinks he knows why people cheat, what type of person gets cheated on and how to handle cheaters once they’re caught. We think we know all of these things, at least until we find ourselves confronted by an infidelity scenario that is decidedly not hypothetical. When a buddy cheats or is being cheated on, things get cloudier, murkier and more complicated. When people you actually know are the ones doing the cheating or being betrayed, your opinions on cheating are challenged. Do you report your buddy’s indiscretions to his significant other? Do you clam up or lie to protect him out of a sense of loyalty? What about if you spot a buddy’s girlfriend cheating? How do you break the news? What are you supposed to say? For answers to these and other questions, read on.
When a Boy friend Cheats
Don’t rat him out
Ratting out your buddy when he cheats is pretty sketchy. Even though what he did was wrong, and even though he probably deserves to suffer the consequences for his boneheaded behavior (is there a pun there?) you don’t want to take matters into your own hands. Nobody likes a tattletale. And while you don’t want to help him cover up his indiscretion, you don’t necessarily want to be the one to shine the light on his dirty little secret either. Ratting out your buddy is a good way to lose a friend.
That said; there are a few circumstances in which this rule does not apply. If your buddy is dating a member of your family, or if you are closer to his significant other than you are to him, you should feel obligated to rat him out.
Confront him
When a buddy cheats, instead of ratting him out, you should confront him about his shady behavior. Let him know you think it’s uncool, and encourage him to resolve the situation either by ending his relationship or by coming clean to his significant other. Address the issue man-to-man rather than handling matters behind his back. Good friends are able to level with each other, and call one another on poor decisions and bad behavior. Tell him what’s what and he’ll appreciate your candor.
Keep it to yourself
Once you’ve talked things over with your cheating friend, you’ve done your part. When a buddy cheats it’s better for everyone involved -- you, him, his girlfriend, the other woman -- if you keep it to yourself. So don’t talk about it with other friends. Don’t ask your sister for advice.
Just shut up. If word gets out, you’ll inevitably be identified as the source of the leak, and suddenly all the consequences of your buddy’s infidelity are now your fault.
Don’t be an accomplice
For the sake of your own sanity, don’t allow yourself to become complicit in your buddy’s cheating. You’re likely going to be uncomfortable when a buddy cheats; tell him up front that you’re not going to lie for him, and you’re not going to aid and abet his philandering. Make it clear that while you’re not going to call the relationship cops on him, you’re also not going to drive the getaway car.
WHEN A BUDDY IS CHEATED ON
Tell him
If you know that your buddy is being cheated on, you have to tell him and you have to tell him as soon as possible. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to be in the dark while a buddy knew your significant other was running around on you? We didn’t think so.
Have proof
When you do tell your friend he is being cheated on, come prepared. Depending on how crazy he is about his girlfriend, your word might not be enough to convince him. You don’t need photographic evidence or anything, but you need to be sure that you have your facts straight. Be certain before making any accusations. You might consider bringing another friend along to back up your story if he can provide supplementary evidence.
Prepare for the backlash
Recognize that your buddy may be defensive about his significant other. After all, there’s probably a reason he hasn’t noticed the signs of a cheating girlfriend on his own. He might get hostile; he might even freeze you out, temporarily terminating your friendship.
This is just a risk you have to take as a friend. If he freaks out, give him space. In time he’ll recognize that you’re just watching his back.
CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER
When a buddy cheats or is being cheated on, you may find yourself inadvertently and unwillingly involved. With a little consideration though, you can help mitigate the consequences for yourself and keep the drama to a minimum.
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